Response to a Friend About Adam's Vision

You are correct that Adam has had a rough little life so far.  I have fought many angry thoughts this week as I see each scar and watch him put things right in front of his face in order to see things.  I know that this is all part of God's plan and Adam's little life will be used for His glory but some days it does seem unfair.

We were aware that he had vision problems.  When he was with us at Christmas he was very wobbly on the stairs and quite clumsy.  It was very stressful for us to wonder if he would tumble down the stairs.  In January the social worker called us to tell us that one of his eyes was getting a little bit better.  We were optimistic that his vision would continue to improve such that he may someday outgrow his vision problems.  When Adam arrived at our home a week and a half ago the lens in the right eye of his glasses had NO prescription.  Both Regan and I felt Adam was a little less clumsy too.  We were eager to see his eye doctor and find out what we could do to continue the healing in his left eye.  A few days after having him in our home we made our way to his eye specialist in Ping Dong. The doctor informed us, "He has complete retinal detachment in his right eye from trauma to the head." I was completely deflated because this did not sound like the remarkable improvement that I thought had occurred.  When I questioned him about the lack of prescription in the lens he said, "You can put any prescription in the lens because that eye does not work."  The left eye has some improvement.  It went from a -9.00 to a -8.50.  Apparently, this is still very poor vision BUT I am praising God that he still has some sight.  As we left the doctor's office I fought back the tears but as soon as we got in the car I LOUDLY expressed my disgust with this social system that let Adam continue to have unsupervised visits with his parents for extended periods of time when they knew his parents had hurt him.  I have been trying very hard to not feel sorry for Adam.  My awareness of his vision has changed but nothing has changed for him, he still sees things the same way he did before I found out.  He does not need me to 'baby' him.  He has compensated very well until now and he has learned to cope with the vision that he has. The problem is now that I just need to let him keep growing and developing especially when my instinct is to pick him up and carry him everywhere to keep him safe.

I probably said WAY more than you wanted to know but it is still so fresh for me. 

Have a great day,

Holly

Day 2

I feel guilty bragging about my kids but I am just so proud I need to write about it. 

Unfortunately, the past couple of weeks have been busy that I had neglected to fill the cupboards with food.  I had to go out and get groceries.  Both Kenzie and McKenna wanted to join Adam and I for our grocery outing.  I was happy to have the help and happy to have the company.  I was assuming this first full day with Adam would be miserable and I was thinking 'misery loves company'.  I made Adam wear his new 'tethered' back-pack so we would not lose him while we ran various errands before we hit the supermarket.  A couple of times during the day, Kenzie looked at me and said "this does not seem like the same kid we had at Christmas".  I agreed and by the time we got to the grocery store I was willing to let him shop without his 'special' backpack.  In the middle of grocery shopping Adam started squirming and telling me that he REALLY had to go pee.  I looked at Kenzie and he agreed to take Adam as well as McKenna to the bathroom.  After about 20 minutes later I started to get a little worried because they had not returned from the bathroom to our shopping carts.  As I approached the entrance of the store I saw Kenzie and McKenna and Adam sitting at the McDonald's each eating an ice-cream thanks to Kenzie's generosity.  Not only did this make McKenna and Adam happy this enabled me to finish the grocery shopping in record time!

Day 1:

It was as hard as I thought it would be to watch Adam's foster parent's say good-bye.  They have given the past two years of their life to him and they went home to an empty house.  Their hearts are broken and my heart aches for them.  Adam cried as he said good-bye and he sobbed in his father's arms, "I do not want to go, I do not want to go."  McKenna and I could not help but cry as this father gave his boy to us.

There were no more tears for the rest of the evening.  Adam played and laughed with his four new siblings.  He hopped into the bathtub on his own and he climbed into his own bed without a tear.  He made sure he could see his foster father's pictures but he did not cry.  This was an unexpected surprise for all of us. 

Exactly three years ago, His Hands cared for their first unwed mother, Julie.  Many of you may remember that this expectant mother also came to us with a toddler (he was His Hands first baby, so we named him Adam).  At this mother's first OB appointment, we offered to take her toddler for a check-up because he had a cold.  As the doctor lifted this boy up to check him out, his pant legs were raised and they revealed a bite mark on his leg.  Trena brought this bite mark to the attention of the doctor.  Julie quickly explained that the boy's father had gotten excited and bit him.  Upon further examination, it was obvious that this bite was not the only evidence of abuse that this precious one had suffered.

With the hopes of keeping this boy away from the abuse of his father, His Hands offered to care for him for a few days to give his very pregnant mom a break.  Much to our surprise, she accepted our offer to care for her son.  The Muir family cared for Adam while the Campbell family cared for the newborn who was going to be adopted to an American couple.  Adam was in our care on and off for about ninth months.  As Adam approached his second birthday, His Hands brought his situation to the attention of the Taiwanese social system.  At first, the social system was not willing to do anything to help keep this boy safe.  After much debate and argument, the social worker finally agreed to exercise caution if and when they let the birth parents care for him again.  We said good-bye to Adam and left him in the hands of the social welfare system.  We never expected to see Adam again but we were confident that God would take care of him.

I received an interesting phone call last September, almost two years after we let Adam go.  Adam's mom called and she asked if we would consider adopting Adam.  The phone call was short, so I did not know if she was serious or not.  A couple of days later, we got a call from Adam's mom's social worker asking if I could come to the office and meet with her.  At this meeting it was made clear that Julie wanted us to adopt Adam.   According to Julie, if we turned down the adoption Adam would go to a local orphanage.

I want to say we were overjoyed immediately but that was not our first response.  Our first response was to feel overwhelmed and scared.  Overwhelmed because we had become comfortable with our lifestyle and adding another child would mean some pretty big changes.  Scared because we were unsure of whether we could adequately care for Adam's emotional and special needs.  When we asked our four children for their input, they had a lot fewer hesitations.  In fact, Kenzie said, "You just need to do the right thing and not worry about the rest."  

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..."Ephesians 3:20

 When we let Adam go, I loved him just as I love my other four children. The decision to turn him into social services was made because we felt it was the only way to keep him safe from his family's abuse and not because I wanted him to go.  It was with great mourning that I said good-bye, and it was not an easy process to let go and know that his future was in God's hands.  I have never stopped praying for him and it was not until recently that I could look at his pictures and 'smile because we had him  for a time' rather than cry because I missed him.

My heart is leaping with JOY at the chance to be reunited with Adam.  Two years ago I wanted nothing more than to be his mommy.  Today, I picked up the final decree and this precious boy is now our son!  I pray I can be the mommy that he needs me to be.

A Letter to a Friend on Christmas Day

We were able to have Adam here for a week over the Christmas holidays. While having him here is a dream come true it is by far the most difficult week of my life. I am really not sure that God knew what he was doing when he asked us to adopt him. I often wonder if I am strong enough. I guess that is the point right? I am not strong enough and I do not have to be strong enough because God is.
So far our home has not been filled with joyful sounds this Christmas but rather it has been filled with incessant crying. Adam cries so much and when he is not crying then Owen is crying (he is teething and he has a cold). Adam is very jealous of Owen and Owen is very jealous of Adam so this also elicits tears from both sweet little boys. Adam is making a very bad impression on my kids with his constant tears. This hurts me because I want everyone to love him and I want them to want to help him. Two nights in a row he cried LOUDLY for three hours straight. At this point I think my kids are not feeling much empathy for him BUT they do feel bad for me. They are helpful because they love me and they see how emotional I am because of him.
In conclusion, I appreciate your prayers. They are needed more than you can imagine. 

When Christine left I told Regan that I was willing and thrilled to keep Owen as long as we did not have Adam.  I was very firm and maybe even verging on stubborn about my insistence to not have the two boys with us at the same time.  I felt like Adam would need my full attention and I felt it was not fair for him to have to share me with an 18 month old who was also very needy.   

With Christmas coming I was having a hard time deciding whether I wanted to have Adam with us or not after I had been so adamant about not having the two boys living with us at the same time.  I knew the social workers would permit him to spend time with us but I did not know if I could emotionally handle listening to him cry and fight with Owen for my attention.  The week before the kids’ Christmas holidays started I made a final decision to wait until after Owen left or until the adoption was final until we kept Adam again.  I was feeling good about making the decision and I even felt happy with myself for being able to let go and be okay with not having my future son with us for Christmas.  As the week came to a close I could not stick with my decision.  I called social services and asked for permission to have Adam for a couple of days during the holiday including Christmas day.  They made the arrangements and we were able to pick him from December 20^th  – December 28^th.  Others had asked if they could take Owen for a week or two to help out but I felt bad about doing this.  I could not stop thinking, "how could I put Owen in a position to have another transition?" 

The first morning after Adam arrived Regan and I got up together and enjoyed a cup of coffee in the living room while we watch three of the children play together.  My heart was smiling real big as I realized that the three kids we were enjoying together were not the ones that we made but the ones that God had brought to us.  This first day with Adam was perfect.  Adam took on his role as older brother with pride and McKenna showed no jealousy to her to ‘brothers’.  It is reassuring that McKenna is not feeling insecure about our relationship.

The second and third days were nothing less than exhausting.  Adam cried so much and Owen tugged at me constantly.  As I am typing this entry I am realizing that I have been so emotionally drained that I do not have a single picture to post.  I have left my camera in my purse since we picked Adam up.  Here I sit today with Adam crying on one side of me weeping over and over ‘Wou Yao BABA’ and Owen saying ‘up ma, up ma’ on the other side of me.  Both of these boys are experiencing so many hard things and for both of them their journeys from hard places are not yet over.  

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Seizing

Today we took Joshua to the hospital because he had a seizure at home.  We rushed him to the ER.  We knew it could be a result of the stomach flu he was just getting over but we wanted to be cautious.  The doctor assumed the seizure was a result of low electrolytes due to the virus and drew some blood just to be safe.  An hour later the blood work came back and everything looked perfect.  The doctor looked perplexed and decided to order a stomach x-ray.  The x-ray revealed a small amount of stool and a large amount of air.  An enema was ordered and then Joshua would be discharged.   As the enema was placed in his rectum we witnessed him have some major seizures.  Two doses of valium did not help the seizure to seize so she quickly administered some Phenobarbital.  The doctor’s orders to release Joshua following the enema were quickly changed and she admitted him to the PICU in critical condition. 

Not even three weeks has passed since Josh’s mom was put in prison and her son has his first episode of a very serious medical condition.  We got paperwork from the hospital today to present to the judge asking permission for Joshua’s mom to be released to care for him while he is in the hospital.  If this happens she will get to say ‘good-bye’ to him.  This is a privilege that was not allowed when they took her away.