When Christine left I told Regan that I was willing and thrilled to keep Owen as long as we did not have Adam.  I was very firm and maybe even verging on stubborn about my insistence to not have the two boys with us at the same time.  I felt like Adam would need my full attention and I felt it was not fair for him to have to share me with an 18 month old who was also very needy.   

With Christmas coming I was having a hard time deciding whether I wanted to have Adam with us or not after I had been so adamant about not having the two boys living with us at the same time.  I knew the social workers would permit him to spend time with us but I did not know if I could emotionally handle listening to him cry and fight with Owen for my attention.  The week before the kids’ Christmas holidays started I made a final decision to wait until after Owen left or until the adoption was final until we kept Adam again.  I was feeling good about making the decision and I even felt happy with myself for being able to let go and be okay with not having my future son with us for Christmas.  As the week came to a close I could not stick with my decision.  I called social services and asked for permission to have Adam for a couple of days during the holiday including Christmas day.  They made the arrangements and we were able to pick him from December 20^th  – December 28^th.  Others had asked if they could take Owen for a week or two to help out but I felt bad about doing this.  I could not stop thinking, "how could I put Owen in a position to have another transition?" 

The first morning after Adam arrived Regan and I got up together and enjoyed a cup of coffee in the living room while we watch three of the children play together.  My heart was smiling real big as I realized that the three kids we were enjoying together were not the ones that we made but the ones that God had brought to us.  This first day with Adam was perfect.  Adam took on his role as older brother with pride and McKenna showed no jealousy to her to ‘brothers’.  It is reassuring that McKenna is not feeling insecure about our relationship.

The second and third days were nothing less than exhausting.  Adam cried so much and Owen tugged at me constantly.  As I am typing this entry I am realizing that I have been so emotionally drained that I do not have a single picture to post.  I have left my camera in my purse since we picked Adam up.  Here I sit today with Adam crying on one side of me weeping over and over ‘Wou Yao BABA’ and Owen saying ‘up ma, up ma’ on the other side of me.  Both of these boys are experiencing so many hard things and for both of them their journeys from hard places are not yet over.  

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