A Letter to a Friend on Christmas Day

We were able to have Adam here for a week over the Christmas holidays. While having him here is a dream come true it is by far the most difficult week of my life. I am really not sure that God knew what he was doing when he asked us to adopt him. I often wonder if I am strong enough. I guess that is the point right? I am not strong enough and I do not have to be strong enough because God is.
So far our home has not been filled with joyful sounds this Christmas but rather it has been filled with incessant crying. Adam cries so much and when he is not crying then Owen is crying (he is teething and he has a cold). Adam is very jealous of Owen and Owen is very jealous of Adam so this also elicits tears from both sweet little boys. Adam is making a very bad impression on my kids with his constant tears. This hurts me because I want everyone to love him and I want them to want to help him. Two nights in a row he cried LOUDLY for three hours straight. At this point I think my kids are not feeling much empathy for him BUT they do feel bad for me. They are helpful because they love me and they see how emotional I am because of him.
In conclusion, I appreciate your prayers. They are needed more than you can imagine. 

When Christine left I told Regan that I was willing and thrilled to keep Owen as long as we did not have Adam.  I was very firm and maybe even verging on stubborn about my insistence to not have the two boys with us at the same time.  I felt like Adam would need my full attention and I felt it was not fair for him to have to share me with an 18 month old who was also very needy.   

With Christmas coming I was having a hard time deciding whether I wanted to have Adam with us or not after I had been so adamant about not having the two boys living with us at the same time.  I knew the social workers would permit him to spend time with us but I did not know if I could emotionally handle listening to him cry and fight with Owen for my attention.  The week before the kids’ Christmas holidays started I made a final decision to wait until after Owen left or until the adoption was final until we kept Adam again.  I was feeling good about making the decision and I even felt happy with myself for being able to let go and be okay with not having my future son with us for Christmas.  As the week came to a close I could not stick with my decision.  I called social services and asked for permission to have Adam for a couple of days during the holiday including Christmas day.  They made the arrangements and we were able to pick him from December 20^th  – December 28^th.  Others had asked if they could take Owen for a week or two to help out but I felt bad about doing this.  I could not stop thinking, "how could I put Owen in a position to have another transition?" 

The first morning after Adam arrived Regan and I got up together and enjoyed a cup of coffee in the living room while we watch three of the children play together.  My heart was smiling real big as I realized that the three kids we were enjoying together were not the ones that we made but the ones that God had brought to us.  This first day with Adam was perfect.  Adam took on his role as older brother with pride and McKenna showed no jealousy to her to ‘brothers’.  It is reassuring that McKenna is not feeling insecure about our relationship.

The second and third days were nothing less than exhausting.  Adam cried so much and Owen tugged at me constantly.  As I am typing this entry I am realizing that I have been so emotionally drained that I do not have a single picture to post.  I have left my camera in my purse since we picked Adam up.  Here I sit today with Adam crying on one side of me weeping over and over ‘Wou Yao BABA’ and Owen saying ‘up ma, up ma’ on the other side of me.  Both of these boys are experiencing so many hard things and for both of them their journeys from hard places are not yet over.  

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Seizing

Today we took Joshua to the hospital because he had a seizure at home.  We rushed him to the ER.  We knew it could be a result of the stomach flu he was just getting over but we wanted to be cautious.  The doctor assumed the seizure was a result of low electrolytes due to the virus and drew some blood just to be safe.  An hour later the blood work came back and everything looked perfect.  The doctor looked perplexed and decided to order a stomach x-ray.  The x-ray revealed a small amount of stool and a large amount of air.  An enema was ordered and then Joshua would be discharged.   As the enema was placed in his rectum we witnessed him have some major seizures.  Two doses of valium did not help the seizure to seize so she quickly administered some Phenobarbital.  The doctor’s orders to release Joshua following the enema were quickly changed and she admitted him to the PICU in critical condition. 

Not even three weeks has passed since Josh’s mom was put in prison and her son has his first episode of a very serious medical condition.  We got paperwork from the hospital today to present to the judge asking permission for Joshua’s mom to be released to care for him while he is in the hospital.  If this happens she will get to say ‘good-bye’ to him.  This is a privilege that was not allowed when they took her away.

Missing Bible Study Part I

I missed Bible study two Wednesdays in a row. 

On the first Wednesday a good friend went to prison.   

I wrote the little blurb below to share with others the night after she was taken to prison.  I had second thoughts about sharing the story in a newsletter.

Something you may not know about her…

She grew up in the rice fields of Vietnam.

 Something you may not know about her…

Her parents were very poor and they sold her to a Taiwanese man when she was 19 years old.  The money from this marriage/sale gave her family hope for their future.

 Something you may not know about her…

The man she loved was not her new Taiwanese husband.  The man she loved lived in her home country.  They had already been planning a future together and a family together.

 Something you may not know about her…

She moved to Taiwan with her new husband. She did this with tears in her eyes and with a sad heart.  To her, the food tasted strange, the people spoke a strange language, and her ‘new’ family did not like her.  She was lonely and had nobody to talk to. She longed to be with the man she loved and the family she grew up with in Vietnam.

Something you may not know about her…

She felt like her ‘new’ family would never love her.  She wanted them to send her home.  She thought they would send her home if she did something a little bad.  On a whim, she set some paper on fire in the computer room.  She hoped they would get angry enough to send her home to Vietnam.

 Something you may not know about her…

She kept this secret for two years.

Something you may not know about her…

This week she told the truth about the fire.  The truth has ‘set her free’ but the government has put her in jail.

Something you may not know about her…

She loves her son and she loves God. 

In the time she has been with us, she has been an excellent worker, a gentle mother, and a loyal friend.   She has accepted Christ into her life.  Truly, God's mercy has very personal meaning to her. 

Please ‘stand in the gap’ with as we mourn the temporary loss of someone who is considered family.  It is devastating to think that it may be more than seven years before we get the opportunity to hug her again.

Day in Court

We had our court date for Adam on Wednesday and his parents did not show up.  Drugs, poverty, and lack of brain cells have made them very unreliable.  The judge said she had to issue a new court date and she would not make any decisions until they showed up in court. At about 10:00am that morning I began to have butterflies in my stomach.  The kind you get when you are extremely excited and extremely nervous all at the same time.  By about 1:00pm I thought I needed to sit on the toilet because my nerves had got the best of me.  I was excited that I might get to bring Adam home and nervous that I would have to face his mother.  Neither happened so we have to wait until December 29th for our next court appearance.  We've talked to Social Services and they are going to do what they can to get them to the court.  If we can get them to tell us where they live, we will go there, drag them out of bed, bag them and stuff them in the trunk, and deliver them to the court ourselves.  (I'm kidding, of course.  We've actually had a nice relationship with them.  They would really just need a meal and a ride.)